Talk to your family

I have come here today to discuss something uncomfortable, because you need to get used to it.

Your family shares genes with you and you grew up with them- so no matter how different you might feel, they are almost exactly like you. Only more indoctrinated.
This is of course, assuming you are a deconvert.

Families that have to deal with differences of opinion usually arrive at the same congruent conclusion- just don't talk about it.
Well- you need to talk about it. You need to talk about it until you are blue in the face and they are quite red. Talk and talk until they understand.

For most people, they are born into a belief system and then come to question it as they get older. They either go through a phase of questioning and come back eventually, but some people do not. Some people break the mold and then branch off into a different avenue of thought. Sometimes they become Atheists. Sometimes they become Christians. Sometimes they become Moonies.
You might become active in your religion/lack thereof and try to bring your family around- but they most likely won't come to your side of the fence so easily. What happens?
We shut up.
We silence our viewpoints so as not to start fights(because its about the art of not arguing isn't it?) and to keep the peace- but we might rail on a stranger for ever and ever just because you know that if you mess up, your relationship won't be permanently effected.

This is our greatest fear: commitment. Committing our relationship to be harder than it was- but in doing so we rob ourselves of the depth that could come of it.
Some of the deepest places on earth are rifts that were torn open by tidal forces, then laid bare is the core of the planet- glowing for all to see.
This is the nature of your relationship with someone you really care about. You have that friend who you can fight with and then immediately stop when the commercials are over. You can scream and accuse and call each other names and then when the check comes(or the manager asks you to leave) you can offer to pay the check and ask what time the movie is.
People who you can be truly honest with no matter what their belief are your greatest allies because they accept you for who you are.
This is what I am getting at with your family: They should be these people. They should be the people that you can share with and yell at and cry in front of without losing ground or losing face. But more often than not we lose that connection when we deconvert from their belief system and go off on our own. Instead of ripping down the walls we just build them higher and thicker, stronger and firmer.

I understand that it is hard to talk with your parents when they are so emotional. When they yell and you try to stay calm- but the truth is that it is an emotional time. You have to let them yell. You have to let them cry and scream and try to punish you for your beliefs.
But you also have to do the same thing.

Remember: You are not having a formal debate with your parents or your friends. Your siblings are not going to grade you, and you can mess up and change your mind. They might call you on it because they want to win- but you can do the same thing. You watched them grow up- you watched your parents mature from frightened child-adults to seasoned human beings and you know they and their opinions aren't perfect- so why should yours be?

And listen. Listening cannot hurt- especially if you have true conviction for your worldview. Remember: learning new facts does not nessecarily change the whole foundation upon which you've built everything, but shutting everything else out weakens the whole structure- makes it stiff and brittle.
What your family has learned in their time in the world is no less valid than what you have- they have simply gone in a different direction. It is OK to not realize things about the world- there is only so much you can focus on.

This, of course, applies to adults who are not living under the same roof as their family.
Shortly I'll post my Guide To Comming Out of the Chapel- How to tell your parents you believe differently.