Comming out of the Chapel: How to tell your parents you believe differently.

We've all seen this video - but there does not really exist a good guide that goes over dealing with the consequences of your decision, and the fallout you might face from your family- for people still living with their parents.
This topic is intended for people under or around 18 who still must live in their parents houses, and who still have to deal with their parents rules, but do not want to "live a lie" so to speak, or go to church.

The first step you have to do is define what you believe. As an Atheist, I find that using the word "Atheist" does not really accurately describe my beliefs as well as many people think it does, due to connotations imposed by society and training most people receive in order to "deal" with us.
So this is the first step. It is OK to say that you don't know what you believe, but we'll get to that.

Take out a piece of paper(or open notepad++) and start writing. State what you believe about several key issues, as you will be asked these questions and you want to get your story straight.
First, write down if you believe in God, and if so, define what you think God is and why you believe what you do/don't about it.
Second, if you are coming/going from Christianity, explain your thoughts on Jesus.
Key points are whether he existed, whether he was the son of god and what he said. Also under this topic, address the bible and how you feel/don't about it.
Third, address what you have changed about your world view, and what actions/implications this has. If you suddenly find yourself religious, explain the new morals and laws you must live by. If you have become a Freethinker, explain what Freethought is and why you now accept it. I'll create a specific guide and give a template for Freethought later and you can take what you need from that.

Write these down and then, print them out. It is very important to write them in a way that is not purposefully offensive or snarky, as you're not trying to incite your parents, you are merely bringing them up to speed.
Write the declarations as you would if you were writing them to your best friend. You might even have to write one for your friends if you are coming out of the church and so, you might use the same one for everyone (maybe leave out the jokes and slang for your parents though.)
Then, read them aloud to someone you can trust that shares your viewpoint, and then someone who does not. Gage their reactions. Ask if there is anything you should add or take out. Practice on your friends.

Then, mentally prepare yourself. Something you are probally beginning to realize as you get older is that your parents really are just people, and they make the same mistakes you do and have the same emotions. The main reason they act as they do is because they watched you grow up. They have seen you do stupid, disgusting and hilarious things and it is hard to adjust to age- our brains really aren't built to handle it. People that change over time usually do it slowly after they grow up, but watching someone grow up is a different matter entirely.
Also, when you have a child, you have certain goals and ideas in mind for that child and having them go against them/you is a very difficult process to watch. Teaching someone something and then having them not only disbelieve you but turn all the way around and go in a different direction can be very emotional and leave you wondering where you went wrong.
Another thing, your parents have been around longer than you, and have seen more things than you have. It's hard to accept advice from your younger siblings or children you know, so why should it be any different for your parents?
Also, keep in mind that faith/lack of faith happens over time, and even slower for people once their brains stop growing (around age 20) and so you aren't going to argue them on to your side.
It's not like arguing the difference between digital cameras or cars. It's an entire way of thinking and a lot of their lives are usually consumed by it- so there is no magic gotcha statement.
These things are good points to include in your speech, that you understand them and want them to understand as well.

Also, make sure you mention why you are telling them, what you actually want to come of it. Of course, being closer as a family due to openness is the best reason, but maybe you do/don't want to attend church and maybe you do/don't want to be called upon to say grace at the table- and lastly you would like the chance to honestly talk about your faith/lack thereof with people who are close to you.

Now that you have your speech, and you have practiced it in front of friends, family or the hate machine of the internet(you can also e-mail me and I will take a look, even for people who aren't Atheists) you are ready to give it to your parents.
This might seem like something that is scary, or it might seem fun- but either way its not something to rush into. Showing constraint and doing this the right way will show maturity, and make it easier for them to take you seriously.

First, tell your parents you have made an important decision and you want to talk to them about it, but you want to do it when there will be no interruptions and with just them. I strongly suggest not having siblings around when you do this(unless they are toddlers or younger).

Make sure you have the answers to most of the big questions that they will ask ready. Looking uncertain will usually make you look like you haven't thought this through as much as you have and will cause you to lose credibility.
Make sure your attitude is under control- do not be snarky or subversive, as you don't want to send the message that you are just doing this to rebel. You want them to realize this is not just a phase and you are really serious- and that you will not be swayed by threats or punishments, or additional time in church. What you believe and why comes in very, very handy here.

Read your speech. Be honest, and open. Explain why you believe what you do and that you are not doing it for any other reason than your quest for the truth. Tell your parents it is important that they not interrupt and ask them to save questions for the end. Tell them that you have prepared a speech for this reason and that their questions will probably be answered if they allow you to finish your whole speech.

After the speech is finished, there will probably be an emotional reaction of some kind. They may get angry and threaten to punish you- take things away, kick you out of the house, etc. Realize that this is an emotional reaction and that you should wait for them to think about it. Most likely, they will say things out of fear or anger that they do not mean, much like you have done in the past. Remember we are all human beings and we make mistakes.
Ensure that, just in case, there is someone who will let you stay for a few days- but do not leave immediately if things get tough. You can retreat to your room if you want to escape yelling and/or derogatory remarks but don't leave as you might lose valuable opportunities for really constructive dialogue- and if you leave without their permission you will lose a great deal of credibility. It might be extremely tempting, but riding through the storm will be worth it in the end, in most cases.
If you are in fact in danger of bodily harm, do leave and give them time to cool down. But make sure it is not just a gut reaction and that you are actually in danger- it will not help at all if you act just as irrationally as they do.

You might have consequences as a result of this decision- like seeing a counselor/church leader or being grounded. There's not much you can do but stick to it, and it will end eventually.

The other thing that might happen is that your parents close themselves off- and you reach a very anti-climactic finish. Don't be tempted to argue just because you were expecting to- but read my earlier post about talking to your family.